| The Tonight Show with Jay Leno - 11/02/2002 |
Jay: Here's Megan! {she strolls out all smiles, waving at the audience}
Jay: You look lovely.
Megan: Thank you! Jay: {holding Megan's hand as he goes behind the desk and she goes to the seat} Look out, don't slip!
Megan: {to audience} Oh, that's so nice!
Jay: I'd pay anything to see you slide down that now.
{Megan laughs}
Jay: Did you ever have one of those when you were a kid?
Megan: Oh, I loved those, they were my favorite!
Jay: A dangerous toy,
Megan: Yeah.
Jay: How've you been? I haven't seen you, I guess since backstage at the Emmy's.
Megan: Oh, god, yeah, it was hot back there, wasn't it? It was SO hot.
Jay: It was so hot.
Megan: And it was hot outside. Yeah, I got my mom, my mom came in from Oklahoma city with her boyfriend and you know, cause she didn't come last year and she still had the dress, so she had to get her money's worth out of that. So uh, they came in, and you know, you go through that press line and it takes a (long time), and we were kinda late getting in there.
Jay: Right.
Megan: By the time we got in there, and I had to use the ladies room, as they say, and, uh, I don't know what that means, because I actually did. It sounds like I was in there doing drugs or something, but that's not true. And I'm in the stall, and they assign a little person, a person...
Jay: A little person?
Megan: No, he was normal size, regular. And, uh, they assign somebody to you 'till you get to your seat, 'cause I think like my category was the second one, first one or second, so I'm in the stall and the guy is like at the door three feet away, like repeatedly calling out my name,
Jay: He came into the ladies room?
Megan: Yeah, he's like, "Meg, Megan, common, gotta go, gotta go," and I'm like well, "I gotta go too!"
Jay: Yeah
Megan: You know, "I'm not done yet", so finally I get out there, he whisks me out of the bathroom, he practically puts me under his arm and like runs up the stairs with me, you know. We get into the thing, I get into my seat, and I realise that my mom and her boyfriend and my fiancée are still out in the lobby.
Jay: Oh!
Megan: They'd been left out there, so they never could get in.
Jay: They didn't get in?
Megan: No, they never got in! It didn't really matter, Doris Roberts won anyway.
Jay: Oh, well, good, because you didn't win, it doesn't matter anyway!
Megan: It wasn't quite as exciting! So then they got in after, but you know, the funny thing is, that my publicist, he's really funny, and he's a good friend of ours, and, um, I called him the next morning, and he answered the phone, "Doris Roberts Office!"
Jay: Ooh! {Megan laughs}
Megan: No...
Jay: Did your mom like the show business experience? Do you...
Megan: Yeah, she does, she does, she's a fan, but uh, you know, to a point. I mean, it depends on the person. Well, if it's me, she's more happy. Hey, are you an Elvis person?
Jay: I love Elvis.
Megan: You love Elvis.
Jay: I'm an Elvis fan, yes I am.
Megan: Yeah.
Jay: Why do you bring that up?
Megan: Well, I just thought. Because my mom, her fandom sometimes does not extend to certain, you know, it just depends. Well, one time we, uh, we were in Memphis because we were on a road trip, and so I wanted to go to Graceland, and uh, my dad didn't want to go, so my mom was like, you know, "I'll go" but she wasn't a particular Elvis fan, and so we go to Graceland, and you have to park your car in this parking lot, and then you get on this bus or shuttle, and they take you across to the actual house, and you do the tour and at the end you're supposed to get back on the bus and they'll take you back to your car. So we get there and we do the tour, and she's kind of, you know, blasé. And, um, as it progresses, I notice she's getting a little more interested, there's a little film of Elvis when he was young, and she's "Oh, he's a darling". She was getting, her interest was getting piqued. And so, so then I guess I had started talking with some other people in line and I had kinda lost track of my mom, and the thing is over and I'm at the bus, and my mom's not there, and I'm looking around for my mom, and they're like "Oh, is she about this high, this color hair" and I'm like, "Yeah" and they're like "Oh, she's over at Elvis' grave", 'cause he's buried on the premises.
Jay: Right
Megan: So, uh, I go to the grave site, and my mom is like, laying on Elvis' grave, sobbing. {laughs}
Jay: Had she not heard of Elvis up to this point?
Megan: She is like clutching the tombstone, you know, "Too soon! Why?!?" so, in the course of the tour, she had become like literally the ultimate Elvis fan.
Jay: Really!
Megan: So it must be a good tour.
Jay: Yeah, I'm going to digest that for just a minute. We'll take a break, more with Megan in a minute!
[commercial break]
Jay: Welcome back, talking with Megan Mullally. I gotta ask you about something. All these women I meet are fascinated by this 'Bachelor" show.
Megan: Yes.
Jay: Now, do you watch it?
Megan: Well, of course I do.
Jay: See, you're an intelligent woman, you're making your own way,
Megan: I know, I know....
Jay: This seems like exactly the type of thing, you would be out there going "Hey hey, stop this".
Megan: Oh, it's the perfect television show!
Jay: Why? Why is that? Why?
Megan: Because he makes out with everybody, and then they all cry and they get really mad, then they make out, cry and get mad, make out, cry, mad, make out, cry, get mad; Its just fantastic!
Jay: Really?
Megan: Oh...
Jay: Do you think women are more competitive then men? 'Cause women all seem to {makes cat noises, meaning cat fight. } It turns into, you know?
Megan: Well, they all signed up to do a show where they are competing for a guy to ask them to marry him, so, I don't know, the sky is the limit once you've done that.
Jay: Could you do that?
Megan: No!
Jay: Let's say you weren't famous, could you go on that?
Megan: Are you kidding?
Jay: Why not? You're competitive.
Megan: I'm not!
Jay: Yes you are!
Megan: No, I'm not!
Jay: You don't think you are?
Megan: No, I'm not. Quit pushing me! {laughs}
Jay: You couldn't do it?
Megan: I could not do that, I think it's so absurd, but it's so much fun to watch.
Jay: You see! But you can watch other women do it.
Megan: Yes.
Jay: Did you watch the last year too?
Megan: Of course I did. The bachelor this year has been casting aspersions on last year's bachelor, who I liked.
Jay: In what way?
Megan: I don't know, I guess he thinks his way of playing the Bachelor is better or something; but I have to say, have you ever seen Cheaters?
Jay: Oh, Cheaters is the stupidest show! {cheers and applause}
Megan: Oh, yes it is!
Jay: {to the audience} Have you seen this show? {to Megan} Tell people, go ahead.
Megan: {to the audience} It is the worst-, I mean it's the worst best, best worst, -however you say that- Oh my god, it's the limit; There's some detective agency out in Texas somewhere and you can hire them, to you know, follow your significant other around if you think they're cheating on you, and they do it, and they get people in surveillance like, they have like, night time cameras, you know? And they get people doing it! In the car, or like out by the lake or something and then they come, they come and they get the person, they get the person...
Jay: Out by the lake, {laughing} Out by 'the' lake.
Megan: Yeah.
Jay: Like there's one lake that you have to go 'do it' in. "Ooh, they're doing it by 'the' lake"
Megan: "They're doing it by 'the' lake, the 'naughty lake'!". And there they take the couple, the couple, the couple they're pursuing, out to the place. Say they take the 'cheater' and the 'cheatee', are like in a restaurant somewhere, and they march them out to the place and they show them a little video of the guy or the girl actually getting it on with someone else, and then they go, "and there they are now" see invariably, the person being cheated on runs up, runs and physically attacks them, {mimics pounding a guy's chest, visualize a little kid beating on their dad when they're being put to bed} It's fantastic!
Jay: That's quite an attack. Oh my, god, they attack them like that {mimics Megan's earlier action} By the lake, oh my god, they're being attacked by the lake! {Both Megan and Jay are laughing}
Megan: You can tell how good I'd be in a fight...{mimics again}.
Jay: Not a lot of PBS watching going on in your house, is there? {laughter}
Megan: I don't have time for that kind of thing.
Jay: Now the movie you've done is quite serious.
Megan: Yes, there's no laughter allowed.
Jay: Now, see, I didn't even recognize you, you looked so different. Well, you look the same, but your whole body, the mannerisms, and everything is so different, 'cause you play a different kind of character.
Megan: Well, the movie, it's a Lifetime movie, it airs on Monday and it's about how two families are affected very adversely by a suicide pact between their teen-aged son and daughter, and my daughter actually happens to die and so uh, the clip we are going to show is between me and this incredible English actress Juliette Stevenson, she's so brilliant. We had been best friends, but our friendship had been imbalanced, and because of the tragedy, I am now starting to realize I had been in a not such a great relationship with her.
Jay: OK. It's called "The Pact", it's no "Cheaters", let's take a look.
(clip from "The Pact")
Melaine: Why where my daughters birthday parties always at your house?
Guese: I don't know...
Melaine: You don't know?
Guese: I don't know i guess it just happened that way.
Melaine: It happened... no it didn't happen that way! You orchestrated it that way!
Guese: No, I don't think I did.
Melaine: Bat Mitzvah's, birthdays, Christ-Christmas! We aren't even Christians for God's sake!
Guese: I know that Mel!
Melaine: Don't call me Mel! Guese! My name is Melanie! Don't call me Mel in that way!
(end clip)
Jay: Oh, cool. That's pretty good, congratulations! You proud of it?
Megan: Yeah, I think it's pretty good.
Jay: Terrific, well, hey, good for you. It's always a pleasure, say 'hi' to mom for me.
Megan: I will.
In The Motherhood
