| The Cabdriver |
MEGAN'S ROLE: CABDRIVER
[Professional Black Man enters cab]
Cabdriver: Hi! Hello there.
Professional Black Man: [talking on cellphone] Have the projections on my desk by the time I arrive, please.
Cabdriver: I like black people!
Professional Black Man: That's.. great. Me, too. [on cellphone] Alright, yeah, I'll be there in ten minutes.
Cabdriver: Yep! I like all the blackies! Black, black, black, black! Blackie! Blackie! Love it!
Professional Black Man: Excuse me? [on cellphone] Uh, Cindy? Let me call you back. [ hangs up ] You like what, now?
Cabdriver: Uh.. blackies? The Afros? Coloreds? I don't know, you guys change it every year.
Professional Black Man: Excuse me, but, uh.. we haven't been "Colored" for a very long time.
Cabdriver: Oh? Well.. anyway, it's Black History Month, and you are my first Black-African-Negro-American today! Whoo! Free Mandela! So, where we off to, fool?
Professional Black Man: [outraged] What?!!
Cabdriver: Dawg?
Professional Black Man: What?!
Cabdriver: G?
Professional Black Man: Hey!
Cabdriver: My #1 Ace Boom!
Professional Black Man: Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Cabdriver: Whoa, whoa! Hey, hey! Whoa, whoa!
Professional Black Man: Lady, are you on drugs or something? 'Cause, if I wasn't late, I would get out of this cab!
Cabdriver: Oh, my bad. Where to?
Professional Black Man: Just take me to --
Cabdriver: Harlem?
Professional Black Man: No!
Cabdriver: Bronx?
Professional Black Man: No!
Cabdriver: Brooklyn? BK in the cab!
Professional Black Man: No!!
Cabdriver: Listen, buddy - I'm not driving to Detroit!
Professional Black Man: Take me to Wall Street and Church!
Cabdriver: Nice suit.
Professional Black Man: Thanks.
Cabdriver: [solemn] I hope you get a fair trial.
Dammit!! I'm an investment banker!
Cabdriver: Yes, you are!
Professional Black Man: Look, just take me downtown..
Cabdriver: You got it, Chief! [looks out window] Oh! Hey, look! There's another one! [pulls over]
Professional Black Man: Hey, what are you doing?
Cabdriver: Scoot over, Ice Cube! You think you're the only black guy who needs a ride today? It's Black History Month!
Ethnic Black Man: Hey, y'all goin' downtown?
Cabdriver: Yes, we are! The more the merrier!
Professional Black Man: I don't believe this..
Ethnic Black Man: What's up, black man?
Cabdriver: What's up, black man!
Ethnic Black Man: Hey, girl!
Cabdriver: It's Black History Month! Free Mandela!
Ethnic Black Man: Free Mandela!
Professional Black Man: Hey, hey! The man is already -- Never mind.
Cabdriver: Mmm.. nice suit. Are you an "investment banker", too?
Professional Black Man: Uh, no.. I violated my parole, so I'm doing court at noon.
Cabdriver: Finally! An honest answer! And we're rollin'!
[Cabdriver and Ethnic Black Man begin singing hymnal and rap music together, to Professional Black Man's dismay]
Ethnic Black Man: She's cool!
Professional Black Man: No! She's not!
Cabdriver: [pointing out window] Hey, look! Two more!
Professional Black Man: Hell, no!
Cabdriver: Look, but it's two chocolate bunnies!
[two black women enter cab]
Cabdriver: Why don't you ladies squeeze on in!
Professional Black Man: Look! This is ridiculous!
Ethnic Black Man: Hush, man. [to the women] Hey, how y'all doin'? Happy Black History Month, ladies. I'm Jay.
Cabdriver: Ah! Licquor store! Anybody? Some Alize would set this party off!
Professional Black Man: Ooh! Alize! Yeah!
Professional Black Man: Alize, no! It's ten in the morning!
Cabdriver: Uh-oh, lookie! Strip club!
Black Women: Oh, that's us.
Cabdriver: Anyone else?
Ethnic Black Man: Oh.. uh.. yeah, I got time. [to Professional Black Man] Lata, playa!
Cabdriver: Free Mandela!
Ethnic Black Man: Free Mandela!
Cabdriver: Tupac lives!
Ethnic Black Man: Alright.. now, first of all, it's "Tu-pac"; and, second of all, don't play with my emotions. [hops out cab] Hey, ladies! Wait up!
Professional Black Man: Look - could you please just take me to Wall Street now? No more stops, no more other random black people, no more conversation. Can you do that?
Cabdriver: I sure can, sir! How about some soft variety music along the way?
Professional Black Man: I guess that would be alright.
[Cabdriver turns on loud rap music and puts rap chain around neck]
[FADE.]
In The Motherhood
